The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize