I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Couch. On fire.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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