we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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