Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
