I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
