Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I didn't notice because vodka
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
