I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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