I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize