I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
