My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize