The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
