If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
