he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
