I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
