My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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