please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My bed smells like the plague
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