we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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