I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
