Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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