I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize