I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
