He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
