There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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