Pappa wants mamma naked
oh god the rape fog is back!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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