he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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