I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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