I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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