thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
