I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
