you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
