Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
