i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
