Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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