This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
