we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
