I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
