Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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