she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
