Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
