I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize