Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
