I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
