Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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