They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize