Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
