I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i barfeds in our rink
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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