Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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