Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
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