Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
