3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
