I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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