So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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