I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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