what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
