I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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