Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
