Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
