I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
