Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
