I just made out with a guy for $7.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
