You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sponge bath it is.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
