at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
