at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
