i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
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