as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He? As in you personified your dick?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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