he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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