Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
