i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
