what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
