I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
