You made me cry and you don't even care
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
