You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
