halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
not ubering you a puppy
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
