My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
