Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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