At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
