Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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