She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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