Your mouth is God's brothel.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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