Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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