She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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