in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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