I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
