Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
pray to the hookup gods
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
