i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
