Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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