Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
